A Christmas panto commissioned by the London Contemporary Music Festival (LCMF) for its 10th outing. The premiere took place at Hackney Church, only 24 hours after the inimitable new-music legends Coldplay graced the same stage.

"Adam de la Cour’s Groyne ‘n’ Goosed, a scatological postpunk panto inspired by the subversive Garbage Pail Kids trading cards, included a drunken magician with a phallic third hand and a vegan meat raffle where a hapless volunteer drew the winning numbers by bobbing for – hopefully fake – turds in a bucket of effluent. The anarchic score sizzled." - The Guardian

Below are the eight, original trading card designs which formed the basis of the panto characters and their backstories; the depth of which emulates that of the 80s He-Man franchise.

​During the show, the cast try desperately to shift as many 'Groyne 'n' Goosed merchandise units as they can, in order to stave off the wrath of 'arry the Showrunner.

​The cast consisted of...

​Mark Knoop, Lore Lixenberg, Alwynne Pritchard, Neil Luck, Patricia Auchterlonie, Sarah Parkin, Angela Wai-Nok Hui, Cameron Dodds, Vicky Wright, Alan Witts, Matt Rogers, Andy Ingamells, Adam de la Cour